


and I'll be holding on to you

by superiordimensions



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Post-TWS, Stucky - Freeform, idk man i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2240676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superiordimensions/pseuds/superiordimensions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is coping with having Bucky back in his life after finding him in some warehouse in Europe. Well, he would tell you he's coping, but Steve Rogers is a good liar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and I'll be holding on to you

**Author's Note:**

> After listening to too many sad fan mixes, this happened. Might want to listen to 'It's been a long long time' while reading this?

It's been almost 2 months since Bu- since James returned. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of being called Bucky, he didn't want to be given the personality and the history of the person he couldn't be again properly. Steve was...

  
Steve was, on the surface, holding it together, because that's what he did; that's was Captain America did. He saved people, came up with a plan of attack and it all worked out how it was meant to, Captain America smiles and doesn't let people down.

  
Steve Rogers doesn't feel like Captain America anymore.

  
Steve presses his palms hard against his eyes until the colours appear and the tears leave. He had spent the day telling James all about their past life, now that he was finally ready to hear it. Steve had desperately added every detail he could to get a faint flicker of recognition in James' eyes. The moments he did vastly outshone the moments he didn't. Steve doesn't want to think about those seconds where all he was met with was a gaze filled with confusion and a hint of pity. He sits on the edge of the sofa with his entire body stretched tight, all he needed was the wrong wire to be cut to set off an explosion.

  
He ran his hands wearily over his face, hating the dampness he felt there - the weakness. Looking down he saw the edge of a worn photograph poking out from under the sofa: he had thrown it there in guilt when James walked in on him thumbing through old photos after that day's attempt at remembering their past bore no fruit and Steve found himself resenting James for surviving the fall, for leaving Steve very much on his own while looking like he was right beside him.

  
'Fuck.' Steve hissed, standing up too quickly, nails digging into his palms as he pushed his wrists against his forehead and his elbows bent infront of him (still aching from when James had injured him in a panic induced attack).  
'Shit. Shit. _Shit._  I'm sorry Bucky..I'm so so sorry.' He brought his right foot sharply into the leg of the coffee table, he relished the sharp sting and the noise of the table collapsing.  
He fell back on to the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, too angry and exhausted to stop himself from crying as he muttered a drunk mixture of 'Bucky' and expletives in a needy prayer.  
Steve Rogers finally let a loud sob tear through his body, quickly followed by another and another until his lungs were struggling for breath for the first time in 70 years and his throat was raw. He pulled his feet up onto the sofa- hardly conscious of the smeared blood on his right foot- and wrapped his arms around his legs, feeling as small as he did when he hated his body for holding him back from following Bucky into the war. But now he was as strong as he wished he could be and Bucky never came home with him.

  
'Stevie?'

  
It came from the doorway, Steve turned sharply to see James standing just inside the room, his face brought together in concern, steel blue eyes watery.  
'Buck-' _No. Wrong. Bucky was gone now._ 'James, I'm sorry. I thought you were asle-'

  
Before he could finish James had already crossed the space between them, dragged Steve up on to his feet and wrapped both arms tightly around Steve's strong chest, refusing to let go. After his moment of shock, Steve brought his arms around James' neck, one hand resting on the back of his head.

' _Call me Bucky_.'


End file.
